Thursday night

I feel uncomfortable sitting amongst all those people. It is Thursday evening and we are in the pub on the corner. They are playing traditional Irish music and all the people are drinking and laughing and talking.
And I feel oddly misplaced.
You don't belong here. a voice in the back of my head says. Not with them.
Noëlle is not even a meter away from me but I don't want to talk to her, she doesn't look like talking either. We are facing into different directions. Nearly every time I look another direction I see her glancing at me in the corners of my eyes. Maybe I'm just imagining it. Wouldn't be too surprising.
Sometimes I glance at her when she is looking away.
How stupid, how childish I am. (How we are?)
I don't care about all these people. Not at this time. I don't now what I feel and I don't know what I want any more, except for the fact that I want to be away from here. Anywhere but here! I tell myself, but I sit still and talk to them and laugh with them and fake surprise at news I'm not even interested in. All those blank and featureless faces. It's like I don't recognize anyone of them. Like I don't know anyone in the room. The French girl is making stupid faces into my direction and I fake a laugh, the Polish girl tells me about a friend of ours who is coming in a few days. I try to be interested.
When the first few say they want to go I leave with them. It might look like I was trying to escape, and maybe I am.
I feel so wrong.
1.2.08 01:33

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