Dissecting my mind's eye
And I feel oddly misplaced.
You don't belong here. a voice in the back of my head says. Not with them.
Noëlle is not even a meter away from me but I don't want to talk to her, she doesn't look like talking either. We are facing into different directions. Nearly every time I look another direction I see her glancing at me in the corners of my eyes. Maybe I'm just imagining it. Wouldn't be too surprising.
Sometimes I glance at her when she is looking away.
How stupid, how childish I am. (How we are?)
I don't care about all these people. Not at this time. I don't now what I feel and I don't know what I want any more, except for the fact that I want to be away from here. Anywhere but here! I tell myself, but I sit still and talk to them and laugh with them and fake surprise at news I'm not even interested in. All those blank and featureless faces. It's like I don't recognize anyone of them. Like I don't know anyone in the room. The French girl is making stupid faces into my direction and I fake a laugh, the Polish girl tells me about a friend of ours who is coming in a few days. I try to be interested.
When the first few say they want to go I leave with them. It might look like I was trying to escape, and maybe I am.
I feel so wrong.